I know it has been a long time since I’ve written a health post. This was due to the fact that my treatment has stayed the same and also the individual steps mostly took 3 months to show an effect.
And these were suited to fit my individual situation.
But now, I have something to present to you that I am not only proud of, but also can stand behind 1000%.
Something I have recommended to literally every person I talked to about it since then.
Maybe you have seen it (if you follow me on insta), I’ve been to Berlin again.
But not to visit friends.
Nope, I went to a shamanic retreat with ayahuasca over the weekend.
And that was the best decision I have made in a while, or well, probably ever.
General information about Ayahuasca
Ayahuasca is an entheogenic brew made out of liana (Banisteriopsis caapi) vine and other ingredients such as chacruna (Psychotria viridis) or chagropanga (Diplopterys cabrerana). These plants contain a relatively high amount of DMT.
This neurotransmitter is already present in the brain, blood, lungs and other parts of the human body.
Ayahuasca is sacred to the indigenous tribes in the Amazon basin and used as medicine in shamanic ceremonies.
It induces an altered state of consciousness, from acting mildly sedating to showing heavy visionary experiences. It is a psychedelic.
The tribes use it to connect their soul to the Amazon in a spiritual way, to heal diseases, mental and physical, to find answers to problems through communication with Mother Earth.
My retreat schedule & experience
DAY 1 – Rapé & Setting Intentions:
I arrived on a Friday evening. I was very anxious as I went alone and didn’t know what to expect at all.
That evening, there was dinner first and then the first circle already.
Dumb little me could have google rapé (pronounced HA-PAY), but I thought they just meant setting our intentions sitting in a circle.
Hard no, haha. Rapé is tobacco that is supposed to be snuffed via kuripe (self-inducing) or blown into the nostrils via tepi by another person.
So, I thought, well ok, I haven’t smoked anything in over 2 1/2 years, but let’s do this.
Thanks to my neighbor, I got a few tips beforehand, how to behave correctly to prevent a painful experience. Because of the rapé’s direct contact with the sinus membranes, obviously, the nose releases a lot of slime.
Now, I sat there, heart pounding, with an open mouth, inhaled through the nose, waiting for the first hit.
Boom, ouch, tears.
The rapé hitting my sinus membrane burnt a bit, and I had a short headache, or better mind clearance.
Then I lost my sense of balance, was a bit overwhelmed and shocked, but calm at the same time.
I waited until being fully conscious and feeling stable to get the other hit.
Better already, little tears streaming down my face, but I think I’ve inhaled too early the first time, and did better the second.
Same reaction, I needed some time to recover. Less, but still a bit of time until I went back to my place.
That’s the moment when you start to produce a looot of spit.
Taking a bucket with you or at least a mug is necessary, because you need to spit it all out.
A few hours it feels like after doing an inhalation when having a cold, but nicer. MUCH nicer.
Because even though it’s not the prettiest thing to spit the whole time, the mind just gets so calm.
I’ve never felt so much at peace.
Rapé is used for different effects. But overall you can expect clarity, strength, cleansing and inner alignment as well as connection to mother nature from it.
There are several types of rapé. We had 3 kinds. One for connection with the earth, or inner strength or, well, I didn’t see the last one 😀
Ok, so, under the influence of rapé we all got handed a rattle and an eagle feather and said what we wished to experience working with the holy medicine called ayahuasca.
You can guess what I said.
Yes, healing, physical and mental healing, alignment, trust, strength to help other people healing.
DAY 2 – Ayahuasca ceremony 1
After a good night’s sleep, we all had breakfast together.
Middayish is when the ceremony started.
The medicine is praised by the shaman and everybody gets their portion.
So, it was said, beginners or those who want to get to know the plant, should start with 1/2 a shot glass. I thought that’s me.
Well, insert interruption by my neighbours (highly experienced with ayahuasca btw – thankful they were next to me).
“Nirina, you are taking a full glass, right?”
Me: “Ehm, I thought…”
Them: “No, no, no, you gotta take the whole glass, otherwise you won’t get the full experience. Trust us, nothing bad can happen.”
Me: “I don’t know. Why do they give me the right to choose anyways? I’m the worst at this.”
Smart me decided to just stand there and wait for the shaman to pour me the right amount (no, he doesn’t speak German).
3/4 of a shot glass it was then.
They warned me about the taste. You can suck on a little piece of an apple if you can’t bear it.
I drank the medicine, smiled, turned away and went back to my place, exclaiming loudly: “I don’t know what your guys’ problem is, but this is so tasty!” while sitting down.
Always good for a laugh 😀 I don’t know why, but it seems like I don’t mind weird tasting stuff, but I guess on an overall taste scale, this would not be considered a gourmet drink 😀
Enough with that.
After everyone has had their share of ayahuasca, the circle is opened by the shaman (and his partner and musicians) with Ikaros.
These are traditional indigenous chants.
They are used to “activate” the medicine and connect us as participants to the Amazon, call the ancient spirits as well as induce the expansion of our consciousnesses.
This was the moment of truth. My biggest fear: to have to vomit straight for 6-9 hours.
Everybody starts to chant (or tries to :D) and it all starts slowly.
I felt mild discomfort and urge to puke for a few minutes, but I breathed through it and then, BOOM.
Let’s begin my adventure.
A nice woman, who has healed herself from cancer markers!, told me to talk to the plant, ask questions and be very clear in my thoughts and wishes. So I did.
My first question was: Why am I sick? What is the root cause?
The answer: I yawn, and yawn and yawn. Then my jaw starts to make weird movements, tries to balance out the dislocation and I feel so much f***ing pain there. Meanwhile seeing black clouds of energy passing through there. Like an x-ray of my face, but with energy.
Then I start to stretch my neck, turn my head, jaw, upper body in all sorts of directions trying to clear the tension within my muscles.
Bear in mind, this wasn’t my doing. This was all the medicine.
The whole process took about 1 hour after finally it stopped and I sat there in a meditation pose.
With the changing of the songs, things happened to my spirit. One time, I was catapulted down on my back, starting to melt together with my surroundings.
I felt molecules that weren’t my body, but feeling like they belong.
I felt nature breezes, darkness, light rushing through me in intervals.
I heard a crying baby, identifying that this was in fact me, just wanted to be loved fully.
Tears streaming down my face out of nowhere, crying, because of a pain that didn’t belong to me.
I felt smiling stupidly, grinning over both of my ears the next second, tasting colors, seeing patterns of prisms reoccurring from time to time.
I became one with matter, one with the Amazon, deeply rooted with nature. I felt my place in the world. I felt everyone’s place in the world.
It was scary, fascinating, painful and beautiful. Warm and cozy, yet cold and hurting at times.
After 7 hours of music and visions, we were slowly returning to reality. I couldn’t quite “get out”, but so did a lot of people.
Closing the circle with the same chants that opened it, hand in hand standing together, arriving back, didn’t do it for all of us.
Oh well, maybe also because I forgot to write, there was a second glass if we wanted. And my body truly made me understand I needed a second dose (just 1/4th of a shot glass).
We talked about our experiences. A lot. Excited for the next day. A very different experience for me.
DAY 3 – Ayahuasca ceremony 2
Little prehistory. It is needed to understand my second experience.
The tribes creates jewellery and clothes under the influence of ayahuasca, containing the strength of the plant in the patterns of said pieces.
We were allowed to try out and wear things to the second ceremony.
One bracelet made my hand shake like crazy and I asked a dude from the helper team if that’s a good sign.
He answered it would be a great sign, it has a message for me and I need it to be delivered to me.
Obviously I wore it and now we get directly into what happened on day 2.